Wasting Time Waiting...?
They always say you’ll know when you know. Well what if you’re a type A, over-thinker, over-worrier, over-planner, perfectionist who just isn’t sure okay?! Let’s work through this a little. In my 10 years of dating, every somewhat decent human that came along I would go ahead and paint the picture. “We would live here, work these jobs, have these kind of kids blah blah blah.” I could make any situation look good even if it wasn’t. I would get so consumed and wrapped up in this fantasy of a life, and avoid facing the music of who this person really was. Especially as the girl gets older and the selection seems to dwindle, the pressure only rises to find this god of a man. Why do we do this to ourselves?!
Having a list of potential husband qualities is good. It helps you weed out the very bad. But in a way it can also close you off to people who may actually be super compatible with you. Men aren’t perfect (can I get an amen!) Only women can be perfect (duh!) What we must do is decide our non-negotiables- I need a Christian man, I need a man with a JOB, I need someone who wants kids. Keep these types of things on you list. But throw out- needs to make 1 milli-2 milli a year, sparkling 6 pack, loves to do chores- NOT HAPPENING. This will broaden your search a little, and relieve a little pressure.
When we’re single we tend to feed ourselves lies to keep us from going crazy. We tell ourselves we love being single because there is no one to answer to. We convince ourselves that we actually PREFER being alone so we don’t have to face how we actually feel- sad, lonely, and slightly ticked. It is so easy to be on “search mode” constantly that you miss out on this crazy fun time in your life. It’s exhausting.
So what if we took the pressure off? In reality, the most epic love stories come when you least expect it. Your shit is not at all together, you’re all over the place, and through the doors he walks. It’ll stop you dead in your tracks. It will make you want to give up everything to keep it going forever. You may go back to your list a couple times for reference but in your heart you know. There’s no bad gut feeling this time. The best part is this person is just as all in as you are. It’s mutual. There are no games. It’s EPIC. So if we know he’s coming, and we know we’ll know when he’s here, why all the drama?
We need to take the pressure off of the single years. Really, truly take these years to focus on yourself, because when “the one” does comes along, it’s very common for priorities to change. So instead of focusing so much on the men in your life (or lake thereof) focus on you. This is the one time in your life you get to be a little selfish. I challenge you to throw out your timeline, throw out your list. This is a stars/galaxy/fate/God thing so trying to work this into your ultimate plan isn’t gonna work.
I challenge you to leave something you know isn’t going anywhere. Stop painting the picture when you know the lead actor is a fake. Wait for that epic love story, and then dive in full force no lifejacket, no harness, just free. And in the meantime, do something for you.